First, we’d like to thank all you guys for the comments you left and for dropping by requesting more Thugmade notes.
Since Thugmed proved to be such a success in its first two weeks, we hit up da club to celebrate this weekend. The problem comes the next morning when you realize that while you were pimpin it up in the club, you finished the two bottles of patron you had in each hand. However, we have invested some serious time and effort finding and perfecting our hangover cure. We’re going to explain this as simply as possible for all our civilian readers, but first we’re going to start with the basics….
The proper medical term for a hangover is veisalgia, from the Norwegian word for “uneasiness following debauchery” (kveis – aka pimpin with yo hos) and the Greek word for “pain” (algia). The two most important factors contributing to the hangover feeling are the build up of toxins in the body and dehydration.
The prinicple toxin that accumulates in your blood stream is acetaldehyde, which is partially responsible for the weakness and nausea you feel the morning after getting crunk. Acetaldehyde is normally broken down in the body by a compound called glutathione, however, after a dozen shots you don’t have any glutathione left.
The other main cause of a hangover is that you are seriously dehydrated. Alcohol depresses the pituitary gland and therefore stops it from creating vasopressin (aka anti-diuretic hormone). This means the water you drink isn’t absorbed and you just piss all the time. Even if you try to stay hydrated by getting plenty of water in the club, you’re just going to piss it out anyway. Therefore when you wake up the following morning you have a ridiculously dry mouth and when you shake your head it feels like your brain is bouncing off the sides of your skull. You can now refer to this as the Thugtest, with a high sensitivity and specificity for diagnosing veisalgia. The reason for this headache is that you are so dehydrated that water has been sucked out of your brain causing it to shrink. This stretches the membranes holding your brain in place (meninges) causing a headache, stiff neck, sensitivity to light…. To think that by drinking you’re inducing the symptoms of meningitis. Now you can sympathize with that 6 year old kid who presents to the hospital with these symptoms. Some of us get meningitis every Saturday morning.
Now we have identified the two problems that need to be addressed we can move onto the cure. First we want to say it’s pointless to reduce your drinking when you want to get crunk. You might as well live it up and then implement our cure to reduce the effects.
Hangover cure Thugstyle
1. Before going to bed you need to rehydrate. In order to force the water to be absorbed you need to drink it with electrolytes. Gatorade/Powerade/Lucozade will do the trick. However, we prefer to buy the powdered version so you can make the drink as concentrated as possible. The more concentrated the re-hydration drink, the more water will be absorbed into your bloodstream. Mix five scoops of the electrolyte powder into 1 L of water – drink it all.
2. Potassium is the principle electrolyte that’s lacking in a hangover. Eat a large banana to replenish.
3. Take two aspirin to dull the pain. Don’t take anything containg paracetamol. The alcohol is already putting enough strain on your liver and while paracetamol is a pain-killer, it’s broken down by your liver.
4. Repeat all three steps in the morning when you wake up.
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